This coming week Christians around the world will begin the season of Lent.  For most people, this time will pass just like any other time during the year and that is tragic, as we miss a great opportunity to take a long hard look at ourselves and what needs to change.  Notice I said “what needs to change” and not what we would like to change.

For an Orthodox Christian Lent begins with the Sunday of Forgiveness.  It has become the custom in my church at the end of the Sunday Divine Liturgy for all in attendance to ask forgiveness from each other for things we might have done and those things that have been left undone.  We do this face to face, looking in each other’s eyes, and asking for forgiveness and granting forgiveness at the same time.  This might seem trivial but it is important to forgive if we are to embark on what I hope will be a time of spiritual renewal.

This small ceremony cleans the slate and allows us to begin the holy season of Lent in a peaceful way.  As long as we are withholding forgiveness we will never be at peace. We will not be at peace with God, we will not be at peace with each other, and we will not be at peace with ourselves.  At the very start of the Orthodox Liturgy are the words, “In peace, let us pray to the Lord.”  We cannot pray if we are not at peace.  Forgiveness equals peace!

The withholding of forgiveness is a destructive force in the soul and if the soul is sick the body will also be sick.  There is profound evidence of this link between spiritual health and physical health and vice versa.  We are composed of body and soul and both need to function at their best if we are to be healthy and be in balance, and forgiveness is part of that.

Physical health is a multimillion dollar business in America today and many people spend hours in the gym and on the track.  We watch what we eat and are always conscious of how we look.  The first part of any visit to a physician is to get on the scale and see how much you weigh.  Wouldn’t it be interesting if, as you walked in the doors of the church, there was some kind of device that weighed the health of your soul?  In my opinion if people spent half the amount of time they spend on their physical appearance on their spiritual health they would find their life much better.

Forgiveness is not easy mainly because we feel that if we forgive someone that means we forget what they have done to us and that is just not true.  As long as we withhold forgiveness we are giving the other person power over us and we are giving them permission to continue to harm us.  The moment we forgive that power now belongs to us and we are now in control of our lives.  We must forgive but we do not have to forget.  We should not stew over what has happened, for that is just as destructive as the lack of forgiveness, but we need to learn from that experience and ensure it never happens again.

With all of this said I will admit that forgiveness is not easy.  Some of us have been carrying things with us for years and if we forgive then we become a different person.  Our lack of forgiving the other has become part of us and we use it as a tool that will affect all of our interactions.  If we let go of this we will be required to change, and change does not come easy, especially if we do not want to change.  But I will say this again – lack of forgiveness is destructive to our spiritual health and our physical health.

Sacramental confession is a large part of the spirituality of the Orthodox Church and I find it one of the most essential ministries that I am blessed to provide to my community.  To guide someone to the place where they are ready to forgive is an amazing thing.  I have witnessed people’s entire physical being change from being hunched over to standing straight up once that weight has been lifted.  We may not even notice it about ourselves but once we release all of that negative energy we change, and that change is good.

Who have you been withholding forgiveness from?  Maybe a family member or a neighbor or someone from your past; if so, now is the time to forgive them.  We think we are doing harm to the other person but we are actually only doing harm to ourselves.

This essay originally appeared in the Quaboag Current, and the Tantasqua Town Common.

Several years ago I taught a class a local college called Death and Dying.  The class was a multi-disciplinary look at the process of dying from the spiritual to the scientific.  The discussion involved not only the person who has died or is dying but the people left behind.  As part of the class I asked each student to write their own obituary.  In order to do this you have to ask the question how do you want to be remembered?  What is it you want people to say about you at your funeral?  These are not easy questions to answer.

When giving them this assignment I reminded them that it is not the size of the house we live in or the type of car we have or even the profession that we had, it is about the impact that we left on the world, good or bad, is how we will be remembered.  I have participated in many funerals and head many eulogies and I have not once heard someone say, “he drove a great car.”

Soon, Christians all around the world will be starting the season of Lent.  This is the time that leads up to the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Prior to the start of lent in the Orthodox Church there are three weeks of preparation, yes we prepare to prepare.  These three weeks point the faithful towards repentance and reconciliation.

This past Sunday is what is called the Sunday of the Last Judgment and the Gospel comes from the twenty fifth chapter of St. Matthew.  In this chapter Jesus speaks plainly to his followers about what will happen when the last judgment will take place.  He uses the analogy of a shepherd separating the sheep from goats.  The sheep on one side and the goats on the other and in this case one of the groups will get to heaven and the other group will not.

Love of God and love of neighbor is the marker by which we all will be judged.  Did we feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit those who are sick and those who are in prison.  They ask Jesus when they did not do these things for Him and He answers that if we do not do these things for all then we are not doing them for Him.  And, notice that he does not qualify how we are to do these things.

Nowhere does He say that is they meet certain criteria are we to help.  He does not say simply write a check so others can do what He is commanding us to do.  Jesus did not write checks, Jesus involved Himself in people’s lives and made a difference that is what we are called to do, make a difference.

In my sermon on Sunday I drew attention to the Cross and that the cross is made up of two pieces.  One of the pieces goes straight up and down and this signifies our relationship with God, from the earth to heaven, us and God.  The other piece signifies out relationship with those on either side of us, our neighbors those that we are commanded to help.

The place in the center of the cross, the part where the two sections come together is the intersection of love of God and love of neighbor and that is where we are, that is the place where we should dwell, that is the place where ministry takes place and it is that place, that central place on the cross, where we will be judged.

The coming season of Lent is the perfect time to start to think about your legacy and how you will be remembered.  Make this season the time you begin to work the impact you will make on the world.  You do not need to travel to some far off country to help just look out your window at those who live right next door.

This essay originally appeared in the Quaboag Current, and the Tantasqua Town Common.

I have been very active in social media these last few years.  I look upon my time spent engaging people in this forum as an extension of my ministry and the work that I do in my parish.  I have met some wonderful people on Facebook and Twitter and have had some really meaningful conversations.  I have reconnected with family and friends from my past. It has been a wonderful means of communication.

However, I came to the conclusion that the list of “friends” I have on Facebook was getting out of control and I needed to make some changes, so I decided to cull the list and remove some people.  Part of the reason for this decision is that I was missing posts from family members and was therefore out of the loop on things going on in my own family.  I have a rather large extended family located all over the country and this is how we communicate with one another.

This was not an easy decision to make, but most of the Facebook friends I have never met or even corresponded with, so it was not that difficult.  So I started through my list and removing people.  Almost immediately I started to get messages –  “why have you defriended me”, “what have I done wrong”, etc.,  and I have had one tell me that I was unchristian for doing this.  This is exactly why I started this process.  I have little or no patience for drama, and the level of drama in social media has gotten way out of hand.

So I continue to reduce my list and I continue to get nasty messages asking why I have dropped people.  But I am sticking to my guns and reducing the list and therefore reducing the drama in my life.

I did not come to this decision lightly, I never come to a decision lightly, by the way, and I spent time thinking and praying about it.  Now I know it sounds silly to pray about whether or not to cut friends from your social media lists, but I pray about all the decisions I make – it is what I do.  But I came to this decision partly from some events in my own life these past few weeks.

Two members of my extended family died from cancer.  As a priest I preside at many funerals, and funerals are difficult no matter who the person is, but when it is a member of your family it is that much more difficult.  Seeing your family in pain, and not really having any answers for them or even a way to fix it, is difficult for someone whose entire job it is to have answers.  But spending time with my family around these two events brought me to the decision that I needed to focus my time better and not get caught up in the drama.

A few weeks back I wrote a column called “Live Like You Were Dying.”  The column was based around what we would do if we only had a few short weeks left in our lives – who would we spend that time with and what would we do.  I am not saying I only have a short time left, but if we all live like we do the world might be a better place.  For some, drama in their lives is important to them. For me it is not, and I would like to reduce the amount that I have now.

Worrying about things you have no control over is very counterproductive and requires vast amount of energy that could best be used on so many other things and helping to make other people’s lives better.  There are so many real problems in this world – wars, poverty, hunger, etc. – that need our attention. I do not have time for the manufactured drama.

I do believe that there is a value to social media. Like I said, I have reconnected with family and friends that I had lost contact with over the years.  Connecting with guys that I spent time with in the Army and shared those moments that only they understand is, for me, time well spent.  Talking with people about issues of theology or church history or even spending time listening and maybe helping out where I can, these are all valuable uses of my time.  But engaging in silly arguments over politics or other nonsense is just that, nonsense, and I no longer have the stomach for it.

We are given only so many days to be on this earth and each one of them is a precious gift.  I believe we are called to live our lives in the best possible way we can before our time ends.  When the book is written on our lives, what do we want our legacy to be?