The holiday season can be a time of joyous memories, but for many of us, it can also be a time of immense grief and sadness. Here are a few tips to help you navigate the holidays ahead and find joy even in your sad moments.
1. Permit Yourself to Feel What You Feel
You don’t have to be “festive.” It is okay to be sad after all, you have had a loss. Let go of the expectations you have about yourself and, more importantly, the expectations others have of you. Grief comes in waves, and you need to allow yourself the space for it to happen rather than resisting it.
2. Adjust Traditions Instead of Erasing Them
We all have holiday traditions, and traditions can be wonderful. Just because the person is no longer with us does not mean we have to throw out those traditions. If you find comfort in a particular tradition, keep it. If it makes you sad, pause it for a year or tweak it a little. You can always start a new tradition that honors the ones you have lost. Remember, if you do something twice, it is a tradition.
3. Set Boundaries with People and Events
Boundaries are essential in all aspects of life, but they are vital when we are grieving. You do not have to attend every gathering you have been invited to. Give yourself permission to say no and skip that party this year. If you do go, you can leave early if needed.
4. Plan for the Hard Moments
One thing is sure: there will be challenging moments, so plan for them. Identify the days or the gatherings that may be difficult. Have a backup plan, take a quiet walk, and find a supportive friend who can be with you. If prayer and meditation are your thing, find some quiet time and just be. Most of the time, the anticipation of the day is worse than the day itself, so prepare, but do not overprepare.
5. Accept Help — Practical and Emotional
Asking for and accepting help can be very difficult for people, especially if you are the one who is always helping. You do not have to do it all. If you hosted the family gathering in the past, ask someone else to do it this year. Allow others to do some of the heavy lifting for you. You do not have to be strong for everyone! Resist the desire to be alone; isolation is not a good idea, as we tend to get lost in our own thoughts. Staying connected eases the heaviness of grief.
6. Create Space to Remember
Remembering is a good thing. Keeping the memories alive helps to keep our loved ones alive in our thoughts. Share stories, look through old photos, and reminisce. But, if it is too painful, skip it. If it feels right, set a place at the table or place your loved one’s photo on it. Acknowledge the loss, acknowledge the person; they are still with us, just not in physical form.
7. Care for Your Body and Nervous System
Holidays can be difficult under the best of circumstances, and when we add the fact that we are grieving, it can be a recipe for disaster. Take care of your physical needs, stay hydrated, eat right, and get some sleep. Grief is physically exhausting. Stretch, do some yoga, take a short walk, do things that bring you peace, and listen to what your body is telling you.
8. Seek Moments of Comfort, Not Joy
Although we call this the season of joy, that might be too much to ask for, especially if the loss is recent. Rather than looking for joy, find what brings you comfort. Look for those comforting moments, a nice cup of tea, soft music, and time with a pet. Joy does not need to be forced. Finding those moments of peace is enough.
9. Name Your Needs to Someone You Trust
Let people know what you need. Ask for help when you need it. Find a trusted friend or family member and let them know if you need them to check in on you. Be honest and let people know if you are struggling. People often want to help, but they don’t know what you need. If we are sincere and share our needs, people will help.
10. Consider Ritual or Spiritual Practices
We are people of ritual, prayer, lighting candles, journaling, reading Scripture, or attending a simple service can provide grounding. It does not have to be formal or involve many people. Take some time and find a ritual that works for you. Spiritual connection can offer a sense of companionship in grief.
11. Seek Support if You Feel Overwhelmed
The critical thing to remember in all of this is you don’t have to carry this alone. Find a counselor, chaplain, or grief group that can offer tools and presence. Don’t wait until it is too much; start now, find a group, or start a group. Sharing with others going through loss can be very therapeutic.
