In this episode I discuss the marks of a true follower of Christ. Leave your comments below.
Podcast: The Marks of a True Disciple
5 Keys to a Better Spiritual Life
I am often asked the question, “how can my spiritual life be better?” My answer varies depending on the person but I have found there are 5 keys to a better spiritual life. Each one of these keys will be expanded upon in coming essays but for now here they are. Let me say right from the start, none of this possible outside of a church community. We need the supportive love of a church community to keep us on track. “Spiritual but not religious” is a tool of the deceiver and will cause you great harm.
- Do Not Hold Grudges
As one who hears confessions I encounter this in most people who come to me for confession. So and so did this to me and so and so did that to me. I like to call this remembrance of wrongs and it all stems from pride. Pride is one of the most destructive of all of the vices; in fact it is what led to the expulsion from Paradise of our first parents and thus the root of all other sins.
If we do not deal with these wrongs as they come up then they can lead to anger, vainglory, envy, and jealously not of which are healthy in our lives. Resentfulness can lead to depression, the desire to have what others have (covetousness) and can lead us to additive behavior and abuse of substances such as drugs or alcohol. This is why I list this one first.
- Forgiveness
Not holding grudges leads directly to the second key and that is forgiveness. If you have been a long time reader of these pages you know I write and speak about this a lot. In my mind forgiveness is essential in the spiritual life. Not forgiving will hamper our spiritual growth and, like hold grudges, will lead to anger and the rest.
However, forgiveness does not mean excusing or justifying. We should not say “he abused me because that is who he is.” His sin is his sin and that is for him to deal with how we react to that abuse is what I am talking about here. For the sake of our soul we have to forgive him for what he has done, but we can be on guard against it in the future.
One of the hardest parts of forgiveness is that we need to forgive even if the other person does not think they were wrong or they do not apologize. Again, their sin is their sin and they have to deal with that. We have no control over another person we only have control over ourselves. We forgive and we pray that the other person might find a way to make things right with you but until that happens we forgive, and move on.
- Do Not React
Following on forgiveness is not reacting to what others do to us. This is the “turn the other cheek” thing that Jesus speaks about.
We are responsible for our own actions and need to take on that responsibility. Putting the blame on someone else for how we react is justifying our behavior when there is no justification for sin. I have encountered far too many people who lie in the tall grass just waiting for their chance to strike back. They plot and scheme their revenge on the person or persons who have harmed them and justify it with “tit for tat.” If we are practicing forgiveness this becomes unnecessary and it is a much healthier expression of our spirituality and we can put that energy into moving on.
But there is a deeper aspect to this one.
Do not react to our thoughts. Thoughts in and of themselves are not sinful it is how we react to them that can be. I would place this one caveat on this, if we harbor resentment against someone or we have bad feelings or wish them hard, these are sinful. Again, there is no excuse for our sins and we have to be responsible for the choices we make.
Our thoughts and temptations surround us, and learning to deal with them as they come along will go a long way in improving our spiritual life.
Not reacting to our thoughts requires what the ancients call “inner watchfulness” always being aware of our thoughts and, working with your spiritual father, dealing with them as they come along. We focus on God and are always aware of His presence in our lives. We move into a living communion with God and our thoughts will gradually turn towards Him.
As I mentioned at the start of this essay, I will be expand on each of these in future essays this is just to get us thinking and moving us in the right direction. Like everything, our spiritual life needs preparation and work.
- Confession
I come from a tradition that practices Sacramental Confession but perhaps you do not. One of the healing aspects of confession is sharing our failures with another person. Spiritual healing, and even psychological heal, takes place when we put into words, and sharing them with a person we trust. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with another person makes our behaviors real and brings them to the forefront of our minds.
In Sacramental Confession there is the assurance from the priest that God has heard you and forgives the sins that you have confessed the other part of this is forgiving yourself. Forgiveness of self is just as important as forgiving others. The relationship we have with ourselves will greatly enhance our relationships with others. If we can forgive ourselves we should be able to forgive others and if we cannot forgive others we will not be able to forgive ourselves.
- Spiritual Parenting
The 4 pervious keys all come to completion in this 5th and final key that of spiritual parenting. This comes in many forms but in essence it is finding another person who can guide you along the path of your spiritual life. We cannot do this alone and if you think that you can then you are deluding yourself and will fail. Even spiritual parents have spiritual parents! One rule of spiritual parenting, if the parent does not have a parent then do not seek their advice.
I do not like the term “spiritual direction” because I am not directing you, you need to seek your own way I just guide you by asking questions and pointing out the signs along the way. This is a journey we are on together and sometimes I am in front of you and other times I am behind you but we are in this together.
This is an intimate relationship that develops over time and becomes the place where we share the most intimate thoughts that we have. In essence it is therapy, but therapy for the spirit and not just for the mind. Finding a spiritual parent will take time but if you are serious about improving your spiritual life this is essential.
There is not magic here and all of this takes work. We will not get to our goal by drifting along we have to be intentional about it and we have to make the decision to make it happen. We cannot just sit and hope that our spiritual life improves we have to make it happen. Just as we cannot sit on the couch and hope that we can run the marathon we have to get up and get moving.
The Power of Forgiveness
In a recent column I wrote about the need for all of us to find forgiveness and reconciliation in our lives. It is my sincere belief that this is central to our spiritual life and holding back forgiveness, even for small things, will hamper that growth and harm us in the long run. Just a few days ago in Rome we saw the power of forgiveness play itself out.
Wednesday, May 13, 1981 is a day that will long stay in my memory. I am not sure exactly what I was doing on that day but it is the day that Pope John Paul II was shot in an attempted assassination attempt while he rode through St. Peter’s Square after his weekly Wednesday audience. He was shot four times and suffered massive blood loss and if it was not for the skills of the doctors who treated him, and lots of prayers, he would have died on that day.
Mehmet Ali Ağca, a Turkish citizen, was 23 years old when he drew the pistol that he had hidden in his jacket and took aim at the Pope as he drove by in an open jeep. He pulled the trigger four times and hit his target. He was later apprehended and taken to jail. He describes himself as a mercenary with no political connections who has been charged with murdering a journalist in 1979.
In July of 1981 Ağca was found guilty in an Italian court and sentenced to life in prison for his actions in the assassination attempt. On that day, Pope John Paul II said, “pray for my brother, whom I have sincerely forgiven.” In 1983 the Pope traveled to the prison that had become the home of Ağca when he met privately with him. It was widely reported after that the Pope assured him of his forgiveness. The two stayed in contact during his incarceration and the Pope even had contact with Ağca’s family.
After serving 20 years of his life sentence Italian President Carlo Azeglio Ciampi pardoned his and he was deported to Turkey and after fleeing the country was returned where he served more time in prison for other crimes he had committed. Upon hearing of the death of John Paul II Ağca grieved deeply at the loss of his friend.
This is a shining example of the power of forgiveness. At some time, after the visit of Pope John Paul to the prison, Ağca converted to Christianity. I have no doubt that this would have happened if it was not for the example of forgiveness. Pope John Paul did nothing more that all Christians, dare I say all people, are required to do and that is offer forgiveness to those who have wronged us.
When we withhold forgiveness we injure ourselves twice and we give power to the person who has harmed us. As long as we hold on to the anger associated with the lack of forgiveness we will not heal emotionally or spiritually. Sure the physical scars will fade overtime but the dame that is being done to us on the spiritual level will continue long after those scars heal. Spiritual healing is just as important, if not more important, than physical healing. There is no pill or operation that can be given to aid in this healing only the power of forgiveness can do this.
I will note here that although Pope John Paul forgave his attempted assassin he did not ask for his sentence to be reduced or forgiven in any way. Forgiveness does not include forgetting what happened and the person who has harmed us still must face the consequences of their actions. Forgiveness starts the healing process for all involved but the person must still be held accountable for their actions.
The end of the story came just a few days ago when Mehmet Ali Ağca returned to the Vatican and placed flowers on the tomb of his friend and now Saint in the Roman Catholic Church John Paul. December 27th was the 33rd anniversary of the meeting of the two men in a Roman prison and he came to honor the man who forgave him for what he had done.
How many of us need to let go of the anger that we hold deep inside and offer forgiveness for wrongs that have been done to us. Perhaps the person is no longer with us so we cannot forgive them face to face but forgiveness still needs to be offered. Spiritual health is important to our physical health and if we are withholding forgiveness that health will not be achieved.
Sunday Links Roundup
Here is a list of some of things I have found interesting this past week.
Passion for the Past ~ A Colonial Christmas (with a brief history of how our Christmas came to be)
Fr. Ted’s Blog ~ The Icon of the Nativity of Christ
Fr. John Peck ~ AXIOS!
Emerging Civil War ~ 2014 in Review: General Grant and the Rewriting of History
Emerging Civil War ~ Acquiring General Lee’s Headquarters
Gettysburg Blog ~ Gettysburg, The Good the Bad and the Ugly
Faith and History ~ Learning from the “War on Christmas”
History of Massachusetts: The Sons of Liberty: Who Were They and What did They do?
Top Posts of the Last Week
Here is a list of the Top Posts of the Past Week.
What Have we Done with our Freedom
Christmas During the Civil War
Patriarch Daniel’s Nativity Message
Archbishop Nicolae’s Nativity Message
Patriarch Daniel’s Nativity Message
Bucharest, Nativity of the Lord 2014
„Christ is born, glorify Him,
Christ comes from heaven, come to welcome Him,
Christ is on earth, be exalted!”
(from the Katavasia of the Nativity of the Lord)
These words call all of us to the holy saving encounter with Jesus Christ Himself, the One who became human out of His endless love for the human being and for his salvation. Thus, the feast of the Nativity of Jesus Christ is the feast of the merciful love of God for humans since the Son of the eternal God came down from heaven and was incarnate from the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary and became human, in order to give forgiveness of sins and everlasting life to sinful and mortal humans. In as much as He came down to us, likewise He opened for us the way to go up to Him.
Through His saving work, designed to unite the mortal human with the eternal God, Jesus Christ heals and purifies the human nature from what is unhealthy and unnatural, namely sin and death, occurred as a result of the separation of human being from God through disobedience, lack of restraint and of repentance (Genesis 2:17 and Romans 6:23).
The mystery of the descend of the Son of God into the world and of His maximum proximity to us, humans, calls us to elevate ourselves and come close to Him, to welcome Him in our life, through faith, prayer, good deeds, offering gifts and signs of the joy of the Nativity of the Lord to the poor people, orphan children and abandoned old people, to the sick and lonely, to the mourning and saddened ones, to the hungry and homeless ones, to those who are forced to take refuge from wars and persecutions (cf. Matthew 25:31-46).
May the holy light of the Feasts of the Nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ, of the New Year and of the Baptism of the Lord bring you peace and good health, joy and help in the activity you unfold!
With high esteem and brotherly embrace in Christ, our Lord,
† DANIEL
Patriarch of the Romanian Orthodox Church
The Promise of Christmas
In order to truly understand the message and promise of Christmas we have to return briefly to the visit of Mary to her cousin Elizabeth, cue dream sequence music… We find this passage in the first chapter of St. Luke’s Gospel. We read that when Elizabeth herd the greeting of Mary the baby leaped in her womb, John the Baptist, still in his mother’s womb, heard the greeting of the Theotokos and he leaped for joy! His savior, Christ was on His way!
Mary becomes overwhelmed by this and we have her greatest, and longest, lines in Scripture. My soul magnifies the Lord. And my spirit rejoices in God my savior!
Mary comes to the understanding of what she is doing and who the child she is carrying is going to be. Language becomes useless at her joy in this discovery, that which knew and knows no limits, he condescended to humble Himself and become like one of us in all things except for sin. He has come to show us the way, the truth, and the light!
The Venerable Bede commenting on this passage of Scripture makes it plain what we are supposed to do. “Those who know the Lord, yet refuse to proclaim His greatness and sanctify His name to the limit of their power, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven!” We must, like Mary, humble ourselves to His greatness but at the same time we must proclaim that same greatness not only with our voices but with our lives!
St. Athanasius says that “God became man that man might become god.” He is speaking of the transformative power of the incarnation of God in our lives, the power to transform sinners into saints, the power to transform our lives into something else, something greater than ourselves. “God became man that man might become god.” He has done his part have you done yours!
Last Sunday we heard the Gospel passage of the announcement of the birth of Christ. You shall call His name Emmanuel, not Emmanuish, man with us, but Emmanuel, God with us! I am not sure we truly grasp the awesomeness of what we are talking about here and I am not really sure our feeble human minds can truly grasp this. God, the creator of all things, humbled himself to take on our low estate that He might show us the way.
I know it might sound odd to link Easter with Nativity but that is exactly what we have to do. Fr. Alexander Schmemann of Blessed memory used to refer to the period that we are about to enter into as the Winter Pascha because there is definitely a connection between the two.
On Holy Thursday night I carry the cross from the sanctuary out and into the people, it placed in the center of the Church and the figure of Christ is affixed on the Cross. After this we sing the 15th stanza of the Matins of Holy and Great Friday that begins with Today He who hung the earth upon the water is hung upon the tree.
On the eve of the Nativity we sing a similar hymn, let’s look at them in comparison:
Today He who hung the earth upon the waters is hung upon the tree.
Today He who hold the whole of creation in His hand is born of a Virgin.
The King of Angels is decked with a crown of thorns.
He whose essence none can touch is bound in swaddling-clothes as a mortal man.
He who wraps the heavens in a cloud is wrapped in the purple of mockery.
God who in the beginning fashioned the heavens lies in a manger.
He who freed Adam in the Jordan in slapped in the face.
He who rained manna on His people in the wilderness is fed from His mother’s breast.
The Bridegroom of the Church is affixed to the cross with nails
The Bridegroom of the church summons the wise men
The Son of the Virgin is pierced with a spear.
The Son of the Virgin accepts their gifts.
We Worship Thy Passion, O Christ!
We Worship Thy Nativity, O Christ!
Show us also Thy glorious Resurrection!
Show us also Thy glorious Theophany!
Tonight Jesus was born and lies in the stable during the reign of Caesar Augustus that He might lay in His tomb under Pontius Pilate. He was sought after and hounded by Herod that He might be caught by the High Priest Caiaphas. He was buried in His baptism by John in the Jordan that He might descend into death through the Cross. He was worshiped by the three wise men of the east that the entirety of creation might adore Him at His triumph over death.
The Pascha of His Resurrection was begun by the Pascha of His Incarnation. The Pascha of His Glorification was foretold by the Pascha of His Baptism.
This is the spirit of Christmas, and this is promise of Christmas that Christ was born that He might show us the way!
God became man that man might become God. He has done His part, are you doing yours?
Christ is Born! Glorify Him!
Dear Readers,
Thank you all for coming to this site this past year. 2014 was a good year here and I am looking forward to 2015.
Blessings to all of you!
Fr. Peter
Coping with Grief at the Holidays
Emily A. Pattee MSW, LCSW
Hospice Social Worker/Bereavement Coordinator
Holy Trinity Hospice
For many of us the holidays are a time of celebration, joy, and fun. However those who have experienced loss can have feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, and emptiness. Loss can be the death of a loved one but it can come in other forms such as loss of physical ability, absence of a loved one, or loss of traditions that once defined a holiday celebration. Grief can be explained as the emotional result of the pain one experiences because of loss.
The holidays can be some of the toughest times after loss. When someone is grieving the holidays can be quite an overwhelming and difficult time. While you may wish that you could ignore the holidays and avoid them all together it is virtually impossible. Where ever you go there are holiday decorations. The television and radio are filled with holiday shows and music. One must voyage through the holidays as part of the grief journey.
It is important to know that there is no right or wrong way to approach the holidays when you are grieving. The ways we handle the holidays are as individual as we are, what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for everyone. It isn’t unusual for well intentioned people to imply pressure on how the holidays “should” be handled; advice may be well intentioned only the individual can know what feels right.
While there is nothing that will take away grief, there are things that can be done to help alleviate the weight of grief throughout the holiday season.
Share Your Feelings
Make sure to allow time to express feelings. Overbooking yourself to avoid feelings doesn’t work and can lead to unpredictable emotional outbursts. Sharing your feelings can help set a safe atmosphere for others to share too; others may be feeling similarly but aren’t sure how to bring it up.
Tell People What You Need
If you don’t share what you need family and friends will make assumptions. Assumptions can lead to poor communication and hurt feelings. While it would be nice, we can’t expect others to know what we need since we all grieve in our own unique way.
Make Action Plans
It isn’t easy to know what we will need at the holidays but being caught off guard can make things harder. Try to anticipate your reactions to specific situations you may encounter throughout the holidays. Develop planned responses and actions, and allow yourself to change your plans.
Avoid Being Alone Most of the Time
The pain of loss can be exacerbated by loneliness and isolation. Too much alone time can allow thoughts to become overwhelming. Even if you aren’t feeling in a jovial mood, make an effort to simply stay connected with the people that care about you. However do make plans to have private time to process your thoughts and feelings, and have a good cry.
Take Care of Yourself
This can mean many different things for everyone. Take time to do the things that you enjoy and that fulfill you. Grieving is draining so be aware of your physical needs such a eating right and sleeping, these are simple things but they make a big difference in your well-being.
Balance Traditions and New Rituals
When we experience loss we are changed and so are the holidays. It is important to find a balance between long standing traditions and new rituals. It can be helpful to remember the loss of a loved one at holiday gathering with a candle lighting, a prayer, a song, or something that honors their memory.
Hopefully with some of these tips you can work to develop new ways to experience the holidays. It is natural to feel you may never fully enjoy the holidays again; however in time many are able to find a new meaning and a new form of holiday spirit.
Christmas During the Civil War
For most of us Christmas is a time for family and friends gathered around a tree exchanging present and having a good time just being together. For the solider on the front he is away from family, well his biological family anyway, and is often away from all of the familiar parts of the holiday celebration.
I also like to remind myself that what we know of Christmas in the 21st century was not really what Christmas was like in the 19th century. During the time of the Civil War Christmas was not a federal holiday. It would not become so until 1870 when President Grant chose to make it a federal holiday in an attempt to unite North and South.
But what of Christmas in the field, how did the soldier celebrate Christmas. Some were given furlough to return home, sometimes for recruiting duty, but they were able to join their family around the Christmas table. Others spent time in battle, not major battles but minor skirmishes were always taking place.
Soldiers would write in their diaries about celebrations in camp. There are stories of makeshift Christmas trees being decorated with salt pork and hard tack. Having actually eaten hard tack I can understand the desire to use it as a Christmas ornament. A captain from Massachusetts treated his troops to a great meal with turkey, oysters, pies and apples.
There were also acts of charity. On December 24, 1864 90 Union soldiers from Michigan delivered food and supplies to the poor folks in Georgia. The decorated the mules used to pull their wagons as reindeer tying branches to their heads to resemble antlers.
Harper’s Weekly was a publication that would bring news and information to people around the country. First published in 1857 it featured foreign and domestic news and during the Civil War brought the most comprehensive coverage of the war. Editorial cartoons and drawings were a large part of the weekly publication and were often used, as they are today, as propaganda.
Thomas Nast was one of the featured cartoonists. He brought the original image on Santa Claus, as well as the Republican Party’s elephant. But his images of the Civil War brought home the great sacrifice of the war.
The image above portrays a woman, peering out the window in prayer for her soldier husband who is picture opposite her in the field also in prayer. This first appeared in the January 1863 edition of Harper’s Weekly with the title “Civil War Christmas.
The next image first appeared in the Christmas edition of 1863 and shows, what the cartoonist wants us to think, is the wife and husband from the image a year earlier being reunited during the soldiers furlough. The image is also interesting as it is the first time that Santa was pictured holding a sack with gifts and visiting children.
But for the most part Christmas passed as any other day on duty. Most would dream of the end of the war and being able to go home and be with their families. No doubt some would be thinking of those who were no longer with them and wondering if they might be next. Christmas is just another day for the soldier in the field.